Hospice work is definitely raw work.
I love what I do, but it can be hard on the heart and soul.
This was my “on” weekend, so I worked both Saturday and Sunday. At the hospice house we have the high end and the low end, based on room numbers. This was not a busy weekend, as far as having a full house, so I got to spend some quality time with patients and their families. This does not always happen. When it does, it can be pretty special.
On the low end, we have an elderly patient who is there for respite care. She is not dying. She has dementia and is cared for by her husband of 65 years (remember the movie The Notebook?) who recently had a fall. She is so sweet, but she has no idea where she is or why she is there. She just wants to know if she will be ok. I got to sit with her while she had lunch and our visit was so refreshing and light. After lunch, she asked if we might have some peaches. As I headed to the kitchen to check, her husband, son and daughter-in-law arrived to visit with her. I walked with them to her room and when we entered I said “Look who I found! Do you know this guy?” Her eyes lit up when she saw her beloved husband and she said “yes, I know that guy.” To see a love like that is amazing. Upon arrival at the hospice house, families (or the patient, if they are able) are given a form to fill out that tells us about the patient, what they like, favorite foods, music, what they did for a living, etc. The daughter-in-law handed me this form, smiled and said “he filled it out about himself, we may need another one.” Oh my heart. On the form he wrote that he loves candy, so when I found her peaches, I grabbed some chocolate and put it on the tray for him. (I’m not sure he got why I put the chocolate there, but he grabbed it pretty quick!) She will still be there when I return for my next shift, and I will get to say goodbye to her when she goes home with her husband.
On the high end, we have a patient who has cancer. He has a lot of family present, and they have come from all over to be with him. When you walk in the room you can FEEL the love they have for him. There are framed pictures of him and his family all over the room. I got to spend quite a bit of time with them Saturday and Sunday. They shared stories with me about each of the photos. I listened to them laugh and hugged them as they cried (ok, if you know me, you know that I cried with them). I wish I had the chance to meet him before he got sick. Sometimes this happens. The only way you get to know a patient is through their families, and you wish so badly you knew them before all this crap happened. When I left for the day on Sunday, I entered the room one last time to say goodbye to them. They will most likely not be there when I return for my next shift. I left the room in tears, knowing what they are facing. I’ve been there, felt what they are feeling. I’ve had to say that final goodbye to a loved one whose life has been cut too short. Sometimes, in a room like this, I feel it all over again.
I feel very blessed and humbled to work with my patients. Hospice work can hurt your heart, but it can also show you the beauty of love in this sometimes hard and cruel world. Highs and lows.
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