Hi Mom,
Six years. I knew this day was coming. It always does.
So much to fill you in on. The world is still a mess, even messier than the last time I wrote to you. And I am presently struggling with some things personally. You know what they are, as I talk to you about them a LOT! But I still have hope. I still have faith. You instilled that in me, thank you. Because of you, I have a good foundation and I am learning (yes, at 54) to build on that. I pray that I pass this along to my own children and grandchildren.
Oh those grandbabies! They are honestly what keeps me going. When I’m feeling down, all I have to do is think of them. Miss Layla, what an amazing little ray of sunshine. The happiest and sweetest girl. When she wraps her little arms around my neck, nothing else matters. And Colton, he’s growing so quickly! He’s got the best smile and such a chill personality. He’s starting to reach out when he sees me. You would get the biggest kick out of them. Out of ALL your great grandchildren, there are eight of them now!
I found a new church! It’s not your church, but that place is not the same. It hasn’t been since you left. I think you would like this place. I even started going to bible study once a week (remember you and I went to a few classes? You bought me a bible with my name engraved on it. I think we probably laughed more than we learned, haha). Anyway, it helps. And I am surrounded by people who lift me up when I find myself stumbling. That’s what we are supposed to do, right? Lift each other up, love each other.
I worked the election polls on Tuesday, I was there from 6:15am to 8pm. It was so busy!! Long day! I can hear you now, “Pretty cool Shar. You probably needed a glass of red water when you got home!” That I did! But it was a fun day. I never did anything like that before. It was encouraging to see how many people came out to vote. And everyone was in a good mood, even after standing in line for so long!
Wednesday I drove 45 minutes to visit the ladies at Brigid’s House of Hope, giving them reflexology. Brigid’s is a safe house for survivors of human trafficking. These women inspire me, Mom. And they are so appreciative of the time I spend with them. They have shared stories with me that are unimaginable. So sad. It makes me think of your stories from when you were growing up. Not that you were trafficked, but you had an abusive step-father who did a lot of damage to you. And as a mom, you always said you would never allow that to happen to your kids. You always kept us safe. We always felt your love. I said I wanted to write a book about your life, remember? I never did. I wish I took notes. I am taking notes now, maybe someday I can integrate their stories with yours, all together. Many stories of many warrior women who never gave up.
Back to this day. Like I said, I knew it was coming. I had been feeling off this week. A bit emotional, but nothing new for me, ha! And I had a busy couple of days, so I hadn’t taken any time to explore WHY I was feeling off. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. When I got home Wednesday night I received a text from a friend that said she was thinking about me, as she always does this time of year. That’s when it hit me. That was why I was feeling off. I had just been so busy. I was not paying attention and I was caught off guard. And the tears just started flowing. Again.
The days and the years just keep passing mama, but the grief never lessens. It hurts as much today as it did six years ago. I’ve been thinking a lot about those last few days with you. Some of it is so clear, some of it is foggy, some of it I don’t remember at all. I wish I could go back, rewind, and sit with you one more time. I miss you mama. I know I will see you again someday but until then I will continue to keep your memory alive, do my best to live the way that you lived. And hope that I make you proud.
Love you. xoxo
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